I’m at my part-time job, and I see a friend that I have not seen in a very long time. We exchange pleasantries. “How you doing girl?””Girl, I’m living, learning and growing.” “Then she hits me with a “How’s [inserts ex-boyfriend’s name here]?” “Well, we broke up.” She goes, “Aww I’m sorry to hear that. I didn’t see that coming.” I respond, “yeeeah, it’s kinda okay though because I’m poppin’ now.”
broke: past (and archaic past participle) of break.
break: 1. verb| separate or cause to separate into pieces as a result of a blow, shock, or strain. 2. interrupt (a continuity, sequence, or course)
Eight months ago, I had to remove the man I thought was the love of my life, from my life. Naturally after spending so much time learning and loving a person when the inevitable end approaches, the aftermath can be devastating. It’s cute to live by the mantra “It ain’t nothin to cut that bitch off,” but lets keep it a stack. When you are genuine and an empath, you cannot help but to feel pain at an excessive level–not only for yourself, but also the other hurt parties involved. In a not so small nutshell, I was hurt for a while, but in this day I feel victorious because life turned out to be healthier this way.
Break-ups can leave us scarred. We are scarred with open wounds that probably weren’t healed before the relationship and scars we acquire throughout the relationship. Wounds are just nasty. They leak blood, ache, sting from ointment. No one wants to see them. A weaker individual might flee at the sight of an open wound. Nonetheless, after a break-up, we should spend time nurturing our wounds by healing ourselves. Yet, despite the amount of coconut oil, Shea butter, Neosporin, or whatever device applied to the wound nothing (a) removes the pain instantly or (b) speeds up the recovery process. So, the healing phase of a break-up can be a dark place. For myself, it was.
For months, I found myself detoxing. Thinking, “what the hell happened?” Aching and dwelling in the mistakes I made. Considering would be’s and could be’s. Getting upset with myself for not seeing things as they really were and therefore subjecting myself to toxicity longer than I should have. Crying myself to sleep many nights out of fear, loneliness, and other deep rooted pains I could not explain. I was hurt y’all. Ironically though, being in the relationship stifled my life more than the pain I felt when I detached. After I surrendered by relationship to God, s/he made the moves. Once the break down phase was over and I officially asked God to take the driver seat, blessings down-poured like single dollar bills when the most skilled stripper is working the pole. At that point, it was time for me to build back up (Ecclesiastes 3:3).
Break it down, B:
The build up stage was my FAVORITE part of the break up. See y’all, now that I was no longer in a relationship, I was no longer obligated to act as a personal assistant, healer, mother, sister, teacher to another person. I was free to focus all of my time and energy on my A1- day one..ME. I began doing all of the things I been said I wanted to do, but was distracted from doing. Now, I’m eating good, practicing yoga daily, reading more, meditating, volunteering, shopping, twerking in the mirror, traveling, trying new things, sharpening my crafts, spending more time with the people that love me, and learning about healthy relationships. More importantly, I think God started taking me seriously again because s/he uncovered a treasure–my purpose. Not only did the creator reveal my purpose but also s/he showed me the seeds that were already planted and the MAP to guide me to my personalized gold. So what did I do? I changed my name because I’m not the same person I was before. I start my blog which is something I wanted to do since I was a senior in high school. I change my hair. I schedule a photoshoot ‘cuz I’m that bitch. I start working on that book I wanted to write since I was a freshman in college. I put my dreams in action. I pop. I illuminate.
I know I’m not the first nor the last woman or man to go through this process. For those of you going through it right now let me just say. It’s okay. The peak is so much greater than the temporary valley. Explore the feelings, but do not stay there. Lastly, put yourself first. You were put on this planet for a purpose only you can fulfill. Sometimes relationships can block purpose or worse the evolution required to walk that calling. Now is not the time to allow blessing blockage ‘cuz we got shit to do.
- The desire to love and be loved will not go away, but [sometimes] our purposes are greater than ourselves.
- Decomposed matter makes great fertilizer.
- Blossoming requires rain, dirt, harsh winds, and patience.
Say: I embrace my new life.
“Without struggle there is no progress.”- Frederick Douglass
be light. work your talents. together we can spark a light pandemic .