Just as I am living my life right for God, the evils of Lucy comes in to tempt me, and wins. All I know is, one cheeseburger–one instant of backsliding causes me a month of confusion and distraction.
Backsliding -gerund or present participle: backsliding
Backslide– verb| relapse into bad ways or error.
Okay, y’all are my readers, so I’m going to keep it a band with y’all. I was addicted to cheeseburgers and lust disguised as love for..thinking face…7 years. As a child beginning in the sixth grade I would come home from school and make a double cheeseburger, everyday. I was a professional. I had cheeseburger production down to a science. I got so good that I started making double patty melts with sautéed onions. When I went to high school and began to drive, I would go to McDonald’s everyday to get a double cheeseburger from the dollar menu. It is my belief that there is a McDonald’s on every corner in the same manner there is a crack house on the corner of every “bad” neighborhood. The greedy pushers have to make the fix easily available to the addicts, but I digress. I could not go a day without a cheeseburger. When I got stressed or overwhelmed, I would go to Cookout and purchase the work. I was bad. My taste buds and feelings of loneliness were temporarily conquered, but my health was in jeopardy.
Later, I learned that people crave certain foods to appease certain emotions. For example people crave starches and red meats when they are lonely. The same foods lead to sexual aggression and desperation (Afua). So there I was, a lonely child that for a long time used cheeseburgers to fill a void. After a while cheeseburgers didn’t work anymore. Soon after, males became my weakness. For a long time I had desperately longed to love an be loved at any cost–any cost to my peace of mind, success, or health. In the same manner I was addicted to cheeseburgers. So, I fasted. Fasting led to adopting a full-blown vegan lifestyle. The vegan lifestyle helped me to develop a greater level of discipline and ultimately the fasting allowed me to grow in my walk with the creator. I also fasted men. .
So, I’m walking with God. I’m eating right. My life is on track. and what happens other than the evils of Lucy testing me. I relapsed. One day, I just HAD to have a cheeseburger. Sadly, my will power was not strong that day. I raced to the Cook-Out line with a fierceness. Days later, I’m inviting a male to visit my house because the burger did not satisfy my craving for companionship. One male led to another. Now, I’m falling for lies and temporary gratification—again. How does the story end? The same way its been ending, in heartbreak. CAN I LIVE?
Break it Down, B:
I veered off course. I backslid. I broke my vegan fast first, then I broke my vow of celibacy, and I paid for it all in constipation and emotional distress. Backsliding is a slippery slope, and if you don’t have your skis on, you are gonna perish. Before my moment of weakness, I was prospering beautifully. I was at peace. After my relapse, I felt guilt and pain. I began to hurt again. Luckily, God’s mercy and grace endures forever. Luckily the creators forgiveness and love was available to repair my mind and spirit, so I could get back on the right track (Luke 7:47).
The point is, we all fall short sometimes. We all make mistakes. Growing pains are not just physical. During my short bout of darkness, I called my spiritual mentor crying and confessing my hardships and realization. She assured me that backsliding is a part of the process. It is our job (1) to repent (2) to pick ourselves up from falls (3) forgive ourselves (4) keep moving toward light.
- Backsliding is a slippery slope like shit.
- Honest people in your corner will redirect you.
- God knows you are going to fuck up. God knows you are going to veer off course. God knows you are going to fall victim to temptation, but God’s mercy and grace endures forever.
“If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again.”- Aaliyah
Say: My crown may be crooked, but its fly.
be light. work your talents. together we can spark a light pandemic.