Good people, last week was very difficult for myself. I like to consider myself a spiritual being with a strong relationship with the creator, yet even in my strengthen relationship, I have moments when my faith wavers. Last week, I got mad. I was sad. I had made myself a victim of wavering faith because I chose, briefly, not to trust God and I was miserable. So what happens when your faith waver? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? Can it be restored into fruitfulness? Absolutely!
Waver- verb| 1. shake with a quivering motion. 2. become unsteady or unreliable. 3.be undecided between two opinions or courses of action; be irresolute
A while back God had revealed a promise to me. The situation associated with the promise–excuse me for being evasive, I need to keep somethings between the big G and myself–will prove to yield great joy and success. Yet, in present day, my reality looks like the complete opposite of the promise. As a result, last week I was hurt. I literally broke down, and yelled “God you said this was suppose to happen, but it does not look the way you said it would.” Its funny as I type this I think of spiritual warriors like Peter, Noah, and Job, who also had their faith tested, but I digress. In my moment of grief, I was desperate for confirmation. I was desperate to see, read, feel, or visualize God’s promise to me. It did not come. So, I grew madder. In hindsight, I know God must have been laughing at me for those few days. I was miserable. I could not understand why God would take me through such turmoil. I just wanted a sign that the promise was either still in effect or had been changed, so I could put my mind on other things. The interesting thing is God does not care about your time. Sometimes prayer on demand works, most times it does not. I am learning that patience is key (God promised me I would learn patience in this season, but sheesh I did not know it would be this hard. Then again, when is anything good ever easy?)
So, how did I overcome this low moment? For starters I prayed, angrily, but a prayer nonetheless. I whimpered. I got all my feels and concerns out verbally and in written format– I needed to make sure God got the whole picture of my strife, after all s/he is the ultimate healer. Next, I had to mediate on her/his words(Psalm 1:1-2). I had to read and listen to what God had to say and accept it. Next, I had to remember that the creator is indeed my rock and my source.(1 Cor 10:4) I had to reflect and take a moment to recall all of the moments in my life when my decisions could have led to a more horrible outcome than they did, but I was shielded. I had to recall many moments when I had been saved from a great level of harm. I had to remember the past times God came through when I asked and when I did not. I had to accept the fact I follow and serve a God for a reason. Once I had begun to restore my faith, in true, mysterious fashion, the Lord came through once again! I had been led to engage in conversations with great women from my former life, and the conversations yielding great memories, reflections of growth, and confirmation. It was so funny, I literally walked into being ministered to and had my promise reaffirmed twice in one 24 hour span. Lastly, I had to accept that God will always be available to guide, love, and provide for me, even when I get impatient because I don’t understand(John 7:38).
Break it down, B:
See the thing is I had to accept Lord is Lord, I may not get everything, not even reassurance, the moment I want it; however, God is still my source and light that lives inside. That light must be believed in no matter the matter. God knows our faith is going to waver. S/he knows we are human and sometimes we walk by sight, so s/he does not judge. S/he loves and comes through to help restore our peace regardless.
So next time your faith wavers–because it will, remember salvation is a journey not a destination boo,boo–DO NOT leave God, thinking you can go through life without the light. Otherwise…its dark and you can’t see.(Jeremiah 2:13). DO pray and talk to God about your concerns. DO remember the good times. DO believe. DO trust the light inside you. DO return to your place of peace.
- Patience is a MAJOR key.
- Church attendance will put you on those good scriptures at the right time.
- Jah is love.
“If your dream is big enough, you can live through any nightmare.”- Superintendent Otis Lockett Jr.
Salute: Put your faith back on. YASSS. that faith is on fleek. Bow. Bow. Bow. Bow. Don’t hurt em’
be light. Work your talents. together we can spark a light pandemic.