So I’m on the phone with my bestie, these conversations make for great blog posts. We discussed an old suitor that has resurfaced. We got to chatting about how he conveniently called me when his new pursuit was away. Then, the conversation became about why some men cannot be alone. We gathered there is a self-love issue among Black men. So, I did some research and conducted some interviews. Read what I have gathered below.
Self-love– noun| regard for one’s own well-being and happiness
It is so funny guys, all my life people have been telling me, “you have to learn how to love yourself.” “Love won’t come to you if you do not love yourself.” “You got to own yourself more before you can be in a successful relationship.” Yes, true. true. true. and more true. On the contrary, is anyone..anyone..anyone teaching our Black men the same thing?
Let me just say. I love Black men. Nothing gets my inner thighs tingling more than the mixed scent of cocoa butter, cologne, and hard work coming from a brown body with broad wide shoulders and a strong jaw. Don’t let him have a beard and/or an edge up just right. Lord Jesus help me. Let me stop digressing before I wet the post. Any who, I can understand why a Black man would have a difficult time loving themselves in this society, after all, every five minutes we watch one being beat or shot to death on Instagram. Doors are constantly slammed in our brothas faces. It seems like every road they turn down gets blocked. Teachers constantly treated them like nuisances in the classroom. In many instances they are not shown respect. Historically speaking they were taught they ain’t good for nothing other than breeding and working. Untrue. Untrue. Untrue. And more Untrue. Nonetheless, I did the research.
I asked ten ten men two questions, 1. Do you love yourself? 2. How do you know? The responses were disheartening. One man got really offended and said “bye”. He never answered the question. One said, “occasionally”. One said, “I’m learning to”. One said, “I love myself, and I’ve learned to accept my flaws. One hesitated, then finally said yes, yet his answer for the second question was not solid. I was shocked, for brothas we need y’all to love yourselves, so we, woman can love up on ya. Building families and communities will not work otherwise.
Break it down, B:
Self-love is huge! I visited my tarot card reader a few weeks back and he insisted on telling me “two broken people are just two broken people”. He continued to say “true love is when two whole people walk in their purposes side by side. So there you have, we talk a good game about “rebuilding the nation” and “raising up our children”, yet we men and/or women cannot do any of our purpose work if we do not love ourselves. We cannot pour into anyone or anything else with empty cups. Our relationships will continue to be toxic without self-love on the behalf of both parties. Even worse, our purposes won’t be fulfilled in the manner it was destined to if we have nothing to give.
Now self- love is work. I often see many memes about women in their evolution, women on their journeys, women celebrating their progress towards peace, but I rarely see any about men. This fact may be because society has taught us that men should be without emotions, but if you ask me that’s the damn problem. Black men, celebrate you. You are worth it. You all have great purpose and huge roles to fill in our communities. Black woman can only build you up, but so much. After all, how can we make you feel any different about you *Katt Williams voice.* New pussy is not a self-love substitute. We need you to be whole. We need you be strong. We need you to be love. We need you to honor your own reflection, just as much as we honor your presence, if not more.
“Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you’re a man, you take it.” -Malcolm X
Salute: Black men, if don’t nobody else love, Angie loves ya….me too!
be light. work your talents. together we can spark a light pandemic.