So, I go to these open mic events, and they’re cool. I enjoy hearing and witnessing art and seeing people express themselves. However, I do have a pet peeve that always seems to bother me when I go to these events with fellow “woke” peers. These last two events I’ve been to share a common thread. There has been these men, who have gone up and rapped and/or performed a poem of which they feel the need to define what it means to be a queen. I especially remember this older rapper, saying something along the lines of”Real queens don’t answer to bird calls”. Okay, what if she likes unattached relations? The other fella mentioned that “Real queens don’t wear make-up”. Well, what if she likes wearing make up? Is a woman not a queen then? Whole time I’m thinking shut yo ole misogynistic self up, but I had to dig deep to explore my discontent with the phrases these men chose to profess.
Queen-noun| 1.the female ruler of an independent state, especially one who inherits the position by right of birth.
2. The most powerful chess piece that each player has, able to move any number of unobstructed squares in any direction along a rank, file, or diagonal on which it stands
Let’s explore the actual definition of a queen further. She is a female ruler. One who inherits her position by right of birth. In other words, her sovereignty is not given to her because she is born with it. Also, in terms of chess, she is the only piece on the board with the ability to move any number of spaces and in any direction. Nobody can stand in her way. In essence, she is a real boss on and/or off the chessboard. The actual definitions leave me in a state of perplexity because while actual facts show that a queen pretty much does what she wants and is born with the right to do so, so many men white, black, “conscious” or otherwise seem to deem it necessary to place labels on what a queen should be. Quite frankly, I’m tired of it, and here’s why.
First off, it has taken me years to get to the point where I love the living pooh out of myself. It took a lot of hard work. It took a lot of tears. It took a lot of reflection. It took a lot of personal freedom fighting to get to the point where I’m feeling good about me. In this self-loving state, I realized one of the reasons it took so long for me to get to this space is simply due to the fact there were so many ideals in the air in regards to what a woman should be. When watching television and movies, and listening to men talk about a good woman, I thought that a “good woman” aka “queen” was supposed to be quiet, submissive, dainty, sexless, passive, and seen and not heard. Whole time, in my journey, I found I’m absolutely none of those things. I found myself trying to mold myself into those categories, and I came up short every time. This lack was very frustrating and damaging to my self-image.
Break it down, B:
Secondly, I’ve never been quiet. I’ve always been outspoken with a fiery passion. I’ve never been submissive outside of the will of God. I’ve always been some form of a girly tomboy, so daintiness was never going to become me. As far a sex goes, I was created with ovaries, a vagina, and a uterus that desires affection at the same rate if not more than any set of testes. Passive would never work because I have too much to say and too much compassion to support my claims. I like to twerk in the mirror and curse like a soldier. I like to be shy when the situation provokes. Sometimes I like to wear make-up. Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I want to be silent. Sometimes I want to be obnoxiously loud. Conversely, it has never been fair for men, or the powers that be to attempt to define what womanhood should look or sound like. Men do not know what it requires to be woman. Men do not know the load we carry. At no fault to anyone is man sometimes unaware of the hardships, waves of emotions, and responsibility it is to be the nurturer, incubator of life, and the cultivator of stability and creativity. And that’s cool because women do not know what it is like to be men. We have problems, however, when outsiders attempt to assert a woman should be or should not be this or that especially when by definition she is granted the freedom to be whatever she chooses.
Yes. Some women are quiet and dainty. Some women are wild and loud. Some women are a combination of both. And some women can be described beyond the adjectives I have used here today. And some women cannot be described with words at all. Whichever “type” of woman she is should depend solely on the gifts, personality, and purpose the almighty creator has blessed her with. The important thing is that women, or queens, embrace who she is at her core and loves it.
Say: I embrace me.
- There isn’t a box big enough to put a real “Queen” in.
- God made us all according to his/her image.
- We are all healing and refining.
“Categorize me, I defy any label.” – Janelle Monae
Be light. Work your talents. Together we can spark a light pandemic.
Britney “Bird Nefertiti” Newton