About a year ago when I had a consistent suitor—for like three weeks, I wrote a song called “God in Me” It went something like, “I got men falling in love with the God in me, God in me….” The suitor–he was kind, but broken. He was still trying to find his place in the world. He was searching. He was attempting to understand himself better as well as establish his self-love, wealth and finances. Cool. Cool. All good things–the fact he was searching. However, it dawned on me as the courting continued, he was more attracted to the God in me than anything else.
Attract-verb|cause (someone) to have a liking for or interest in something
I began to contemplate this old instance after a conversation I had with my best-friend about men. We were having yet another passionate discussion about the nature of dating and loving in this millennial ruled era. I explained, I’ve been in so many situations of which I have been drained of my energy and my light by the person I was with. Many times when the relationships we have previously been in are over we (women) feel drained. We feel like we have nothing left of ourselves. We feel like we are left with pieces we have to put back together on our own. On the contrary, in this new renewed space, I realized the men I had previously been with as well as the men who seemed to be attracted to me, or us today are basically attracted to our light like moths to a flame.
In the past, I have dealt with many broken men. Men who did not love themselves completely. Men that had low-self esteem so they needed “trophy women,” on their arm to validate their person esteem. They needed me to constantly be in place for meetings, performance, shows, and any occasion of which they would be looked at as, king. On my end, I was drained. The men who approach me now: when we talk, I always feel like I’m providing spiritual guidance and clues to help them search along their journeys. “Niggas” always seem to be looking for a woman with a warm plate, warm home, and warm heart, and fresh band-aids–which is fine–until I realize that I was the source of love, nurturing, and direction for a lot of the men I was dealing with. The context seemed to be the same for my best-friend. Now, one might say, “well that’s what a woman is supposed to be for a man–the purpose, the light, the joy, the spiritual strength.” The comment may be true, yet am I–are we– suppose to be the purpose, the light, the joy, and the spiritual strength for another at the risk of being drained of our own light, good sense, purpose, strength, and joy?
Break it down, B:
If I am allowed to answer the question above, I would say, N-the fuck-O. I am tired of being exhausted of my glow to battle the darkness of another. I am tired of watching my friends fall in love with broken people only to have them tell me later that so-and-so ruined everything in their lives because so-and-so had many issues they were dealing with. Eff all dat sharing my inner sunshine with someone else mess. For one, the world needs to see my light shining so they can be inspired. How we gon’ inspire people with our inner light if we allow non-deserving folks to suck it dim like spiritual vampires. For two, I enjoy being light/lite, it makes me feel like I’m flying, but I digress. But it’s cool–I can be solution-oriented.
I recognize everyone has personal, internal, and/or spiritual battles. That is called life. However, when it comes to sharing my overflowing love with another being in a healthy partnership it is important I share with an equally light fellow. I require a man whom is as spiritually strong and light, as I. It is my theory that if I’m living for God and in divine order and my potential husband is as well, then the universe will bring us together when the time is appropriate without hard work of my own. The broken man, trying find himself, not knowing how to love himself with hella personal issue bullshit is for the birds, but not this Bird. Myself, and many of the super strong women that I have come to know, have been through too much. We have worked too hard pulling ourselves together and reconnecting with the light inside of us to revert back or begin allowing our light to be drained behind mentally and spiritually unhealthy partners. Don’t be the fool girl, don’t let that energy vampire suck you dry. I get it, sis. He’s attracted to the God in you. That’s an honor, but the solution is to send dat nigga to the source, the big G, God, the creator, and continue to grind.
As for for my fellas, it’s okay to honor the Black woman. It is okay to refer to her as a queen and actually treat her with respect. Its okay to use kind words to communicate. It is okay to see her as a light, after all she is a representative of God, for she holds the universe in her womb. She is the closest thing to God on earth, so it is okay to be faithful and honest. It okay to be vulnerable and share you inner thoughts and feelings with her. It is okay to enjoy her love, kindness, healing properties. It is not okay to insult her with disrespect and misconduct. It is not okay to drain her by being selfish and unfaithful. It is not okay to dump all of your insecurities, hurts and pains onto her, or transfer them by making her feel insecure, hurt, and pain. It is not okay to use her as an escape from your troubles. I suggest you work within yourself and find the light of God within. You may not have a womb–we all can’t be so lucky–nonetheless God lives in you as well. Seek the light within, so you can give her the love she deserves and receive the love you deserve in return.
- Beware: men and women can fall in love with the God in you.
- Everyone needs their own relationship with God in order to partake in healthy relationships.
- The Black woman is not God; she is God’s assigned representative. Treat her accordingly, or bad karma will Bankhead Bounce all over your life. Just ask Mister.
Say: I am light.
“Keep all you have of queenliness” -Gwendolyn Bennett
Be light. Work your talents. Together we can spark a light pandemic.