Guide to a Healthy Relationship for Crazy Women: Growing and Becoming in Love

Love (love) will keep us together..they say. Everyone should aspire to be in long lasting relationships..they say. I say, sure if that’s what you are into. I am, but I wish we talked more about the growth accrued throughout positive partnerships. Sure, if you water me, and I water you, we are some nurtured individuals, but it is not that easy. In my recent adventure with love, I am learning that growing together can be tedious. I find it is best to: choose a partners who’s goals align with your own, keep an open mind, and keep your ears open.

Grow-noun|(of a living thing) undergo natural development by increasing in size and changing physically; progress to maturity.

synonyms: swellmultiply

Testimony:

Remember my definition of a healthy relationship? I defined a healthy relationship as two whole people walking their paths side by side underneath the protection of God. It seemed seamless in theory, but in practice I find it takes a lot more than words to make this prosperous.

First, In my single-hood, I was doing everything by myself. That reality, I did not hate. I actually enjoyed the freedom of doing things on my own and being able to say, “I accomplished this and that all by myself.” Sadly, I had, in some capacities, become jaded, for the idea of togetherness became foreign to me. While learning to mesh with my new partner, I had to unlearn many of my I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-NT (do you know what that mean man) tendencies because I now have a man who did not want to use me, but wished to work together to make magic happen. Initially, this task was difficult, but now I am learning to loosen my control, and have faith in the partnership. I find we get a lot more done as a unit, than as individuals.

Next, I’m still in my 20s as is my partner. Correct me if I am wrong, but the whole decade is some beautiful bullshit. The beauty lies in the fact its fun. We are young fly and free, and the entire world is ahead of us waiting to be conquered. The bullshit lies in the fact, that while the world is waiting to be conquered by us 20 somethings, the conquest is a non-stop uphill battle. Now, because I vowed not to deal with nonsense fuck boys, my partner also has great goals and a large vision he too works to manifest, as will. So, in the same manner  I get weary and discouraged about my vision, have sudden bursts of inspiration which lead to move the fuck out my way moments, undergo moments of shedding old characteristics in order to made room for new, so does he. Our moments of growth are not always in sync, but as his partner–and vise versa– it is my obligation to keep open ears and an open mind throughout the growth spurts.

Break it down, B:

In a perfect world, we would both be where we ultimately see ourselves in life. While the climb is beautiful, I find the climb is even more impactful when I see my partner near me also working to overcome this mountain we call life. Conversations like:  “Damn, Bae I’m slippin'” And he responds, “no worries, I got you” or “I just feel discouraged today” And I say, “you got this Shnuggah. Look how far you’ve already come” or hearing him say, “I’ll stay up with you while your write your paper” can be the most inspirational conversations, for they are the water and light necessary for both of our individual growth. The result of this partnership, with faith, is two dreams, two sets of goals, two visions will become illuminated realities and two people will bloom into their potential. On the contrary, this nutritional balance does not come with ease. It requires patience, selflessness, honesty, support, compassion, understanding, hope, faith, open-ears, and common values to achieve. Lucky for us love is all of those things, and it is always worth it.(1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)

Pay Homage:

When all else has fallen away, love sustains.

-Bell Hooks

Facts:

  1. The most revolutionary thing you can do is love and build in love.
  2. Love is patience and kind.
  3. The climb is always worth the results.

Salute: “I’m a movement by myself, but I’m a force when we are together.”

Be light. Work your talents. Together we can spark a light pandemic.

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Peace,

Bird Nefertiti

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