Not Happiness. No to Pain: How Decision Making Led me to a Better Life

Nonetheless, joy, according to an old friend, is the unwavering feeling of peace and serenity, and positive energy.  Joy trumps happiness every single time because joy is unconditional. Whereas, happiness is solely dependent upon something good happening. The issue with depending on things happening is shit may never happen. My hair may never grow. I may never get a man. I may never like my big toe. I may never get over how my father/mother/aunt/colonel Sanders was never there. Despite the hold for these happenstances, life still goes on, and so we must choose to have inner peace, joy, and security within ourselves. Well, Damn, B, How do I do this?

Show them Who you are: Black Panther and the Importance of Identity

First of all, Wakanda forever. If you have not seen Black Panther, I highly suggest you do. I'm actually not quite sure what you are waiting for. Its lit AF. And in true artistic fashion this film has surged a spirit of celebrating and praising Blackness and Black womanhood--my two favorite things. With that, I …

Becoming Me

the road to becoming is not easy, but it is clear. it is underneath layers of tears to cleanse, skin to shed, budding habits, and the waving leaves it works to develop new rings. i see her in my throat. Every now and again, she speaks--when confidence defeats. She is delight and a treat and …

Guide to a Healthy Relationship for Crazy Women: Be sure to Run a Spiritual Background Check

We have "instantcheckmate.com", truthfinder.com, backgroundcheck.com etc. etc.  We have our faithful group of homegirls who could moonlight as private investigators because all you have to do is mention bruh name, and they will identify a minimum of three of his last girlfriends, his occupation, income, frat, previous GPA, credit score, and damn near his social security number in less than two hours. We ourselves have all of those good ole social media sites to investigate the quality of potential partners. But, we do not have any application that will help us evaluate the spiritual quality of potential mates. No. No. We have to learn to run those spiritual background checks ourselves before embarking on serious partnerships.

6 things you should know about Therapy from a Black Girl’s Perspective

Us, young fly free millennial Black folk see a need for healing in a way our parents and grand parents may not understand. The way I see it; in addition to being the products of triumphant, resilient, ambitions, hard-working, out-going, intelligent, and gorgeous brown people,  we are also the products of generations of negative mental, physical, and sometimes spiritual abuse and habits that must be broken for the sake of posterity. I recognize the cyclical nature in my own family, and I intend to create a new ebb and flow. And, I will do so, even if it means going against the grain and seeking therapeutic counseling. The church is just not enough for me any more. 

Guide to a Healthy Relationship for Crazy Women: Growing and Becoming in Love

First, In my single-hood, I was doing everything by myself. That reality, I did not hate. I actually enjoyed the freedom of doing things on my own and being able to say, "I accomplished this and that all by myself." Sadly, I had, in some capacities, become jaded, for the idea of togetherness became foreign to me. While learning to mesh with my new partner, I had to unlearn many of my I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-NT (do you know what that mean man) tendencies because I now have a man who did not want to use me, but wished to work together to make magic happen. Initially, this task was difficult, but now I am learning to loosen my control, and have faith in the partnership. I find we get a lot more done as a unit, than as individuals.  

How to Work With What You Got

I work my butt off 24/7, and I have not secured any bags [yet].  In this season of my life I have learned how to downward dog and forward fold a dollar so far, my bills have become more limber than my own self. My wardrobe is limited. Roasted Chicken Ramon Noodles is a new favorite. Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches are an art form.  Any time I get a meal, I don't dare think about disrespecting God--s/he gone get this praise, and I'll look at your funny if you dare sit across from me and don't give the Lord the glory because meals are hard to come by witcho rude ass. I was so grateful when my Momma blessed me with some work shoes for Christmas, you would have thought I was 12. If you ask me out, I'm going to consult my gas tank first, then I'll hit you back. Yet and still, I consider myself fine af, fly af, and still making boss moves.  The secret is: I work with what I got.

Guide to a Healthy Relationship for Crazy Women: Yes, Yes I can Love with an Open Heart

Love is great in the commercial sense--especially around February. In reality love can be difficult--this we don't talk about. We post all the #MCM and #WCW and #BAE pictures, right. Yet, we don't  talk about the push, pull, the communication, the growth, the selflessness, the intimacy, the messy, down right dirty components of growing in love. We don't talk about the arduous task of breaking down walls when you are a woman who has lock her heart in a stainless steal safe, next to a glock nine (just in case) , underneath a grenade, surrounded by an alligator inhabited moat, within the  land mines hidden around the circumference.